|i feel like this a lot.
||[May. 1st, 2005|06:16 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
I was in Asheboro all day today.|
I have now visited the zoo well over ten times. & everytime gets a little less exciting. Today felt somewhat like a chore. but I love my cousin & two year olds are incredibly cute & worth every second.__I feel a lot closer to my sister on days like this. I miss her too much when she's gone, even if I never tell her so. I'm not the type my make myself out to be a pansy. I play hardball with almost everyone I meet.___My fear of driving is starting to windle away & my anxiety is starting to subside. & after all this time I have proven myself right. The tempo was a very unsafe vehicle. & for the first time in my life, I got to watch my mother and step father put a foot in their mouth. I didn't enjoy it as much as I would have originally liked. This made the experience even less enjoyable. & you know what, I really fucking like driving a mustang. & I don't like leather seats. & I don't regret too much about the experience.
Driving through Asheboro was nice. I hadn't been since I visited Randolph. I had forgotten about the trip & how much I really wanted to go there. (& how too pussy I was to even ask my parents to go. I was so sure they would tell me I wasn't good enough or that it was too far or too big of a waste. afterall, "photography isn't a real major" but neither is cosmetology so whats the point really?)__I really started to miss Allison Evans & Beth Briles. I thought about that day & driving around in the van. & how it was unbelievably cold. My nose ran & it was wet. The air had this texture that I can't quite describe at the moment. but I loved every second of it. __Me and Ally Evans don't talk as much as I'd like. She's one of the few people that I truly admire. I don't really tell her that enough. She was in my driver's education class in 9th grade. I remember it well. I remember thinking she looked interesting & wanting to know her better because she was one of the few that seemed worth while. & I was actually pretty accurate with those sort of things in high school. Anyways a picture of Ally & I still sits on my mirror from graduation. ____I can't even begin to think about graduation right now. Thats too personal.___________The only thing I regret is not having the balls to do whatever I wanted when I was 16.