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stomach full of spiders.

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remember me? [Apr. 30th, 2007|06:31 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
___________i miss being a writer.
link3 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

[give it up] [Jan. 7th, 2006|12:17 am]
stomach full of spiders.
Anonymous confessions.
link6 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

flippin' shit. [Jul. 22nd, 2005|07:39 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
LESEL,
why the fuck don't I have your phone number right now?!?!
link2 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

that kid has a fucking show? [Jul. 21st, 2005|08:47 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
I can't stand it when locals don't update their websites.
I mean I could care less about "bmx" or amateur graphic design or complete strangers' personal lives but I am completely obsessed. & I am thankful for local photographers & fucking PostSecret because they have nothing better to do with their lives other than take pictures and update weekly, if not daily.______p.s. college is still a drag. & this is currently my favorite PostSecret postcard:

link4 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

honesty. [Jul. 20th, 2005|10:16 pm]
stomach full of spiders.

Sometimes I really understand that I am a snob. & I really do think that I am a better person than a lot of the people I have met. & I also feel obligated to think that I am not a better person than most of the people I have met because I am cocky enough to admit that I am a snob. & couldn't really care less.
link5 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

give it up kid. [Jul. 19th, 2005|10:14 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
[music |janis.]

sometimes I think photography is so much more magical than music
& I think I'm not really ready to take pictures.

I do not pretend/try to be a musician or write music.
I would never attempt to be that great & anything less than great just isn't enough.






but I don't think I can put it down.
link I thought about saying no to hope.

we do not have a song. [Jul. 9th, 2005|03:22 am]
stomach full of spiders.
[music |summer romance.]



[anti-gravity]
link2 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

02. [Jul. 4th, 2005|12:32 am]
stomach full of spiders.
companionship is so infinite.
link2 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

(no subject) [Jul. 2nd, 2005|06:18 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
I want a secret again
& loose connections.
link I thought about saying no to hope.

clayton, nc. [Jul. 1st, 2005|12:06 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
[music |denali.]



[yourerunningmeragged]
link I thought about saying no to hope.

perfect posture. [Jun. 28th, 2005|10:00 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
so I've been writing lots of letters lately. My college text book is covered. & so I really have to fight the urge to rip my text book apart just mailing it out. page by page by page. but I think that idea is a little too "obtuse" for most. & I have to study sometime. ____I got my paper work to register for my last semester of college. & that was something I expected to be really depressing. Its scenario that I ran through a few times over the past few years. & I guess I expected to feel accomplished. but I don't feel any different & I'm really starting to consider the idea that I was cheated out of my true college years. I should have left for Randolph. ____I am a brunette. & I guess I'm ready to settle down. stop experimenting/fucking up my hair. I don't know if thats symbolic or ironic or what. but really, i'm just so fed up with irony. but I am all about karma. & i have done so well for myself. & that is impressive. I have lacked so much motivation. & my work is mediocre. Listening to more Wilco lately. & my taste is less expensive.____summer. summer. summer. summer. summer. summer. summer. summer.
link1 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

. [Jun. 4th, 2005|07:36 am]
stomach full of spiders.
[mood |trashy.]
[music |the good life.]








[i made a bad first impression.]
link6 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

(no subject) [Jun. 2nd, 2005|08:41 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
okay. no, seriously.
fuck school & super fuck having a job.

all the way.
link4 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

lonely. lethargic. love. less. leave. liar. [Jun. 2nd, 2005|01:47 am]
stomach full of spiders.
the worst words in the english language start with "L".
link4 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

(no subject) [May. 31st, 2005|12:58 am]
stomach full of spiders.
[music |mae.]



biggerCollapse )

i was hoping to get more out of myself. & i thought that i was better than this. but really, who gives a shit these days anyways? "i'm not trying to impress anyone." (isn't that just a dirty little phrase that everyone uses? bullshit.) & anyways. who cares about new romances & the things i've done lately? i don't want to be the type of person thats "all about" that sort of thing._______& just so you know. time isn't precious. in fact, it is the only thing I can think of that is actually "infinite" other than maybe the sky. so fuck that right now.___i left my book on top of my car & i think insomnia is back. i am not excited about this summer & having class. i'm not. so i won't even push the point._______broken social scene is amazing band, if you're into the instrumental type of thing. _i'm actually impressed with a lot of people at this particular moment. thats fresh. i had more associates than i remember so i guess i have too many friends and not enough "precious time" this summer._______& irony is fucking dumb but this PostSecret stuff has made me a mess.
link14 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

(no subject) [May. 31st, 2005|12:50 am]
stomach full of spiders.
[mood |nervous.]
[music |broken social scene.]

                                                                                       

                                   [t h i s   i s   j u s t   d y i n g

                                    t  o      b e       m  a i l ed.  ]

link3 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

(no subject) [May. 29th, 2005|06:21 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
oh yeah & tattoos.
all I can think about are getting tattoos.
link4 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

roll me in designer sheets. [May. 29th, 2005|05:38 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
[mood |impressed & cliche.]
[music |wilco.]



i am obsessed with tints. more specifically green. i don't understand. i've felt much more creative/productive lately but i suppose that comes along with the revelations. & hopefully pride will follow. i'm not afraid of college & i'm not scared to "become". i am only anxious to get there because this whole awkward inbetween stuff isn't pleasing. i will admit to getting better lately. i'm less worrisome & i think a lot of people can identify with how wonderful that really is. it feels good to _____________________________________________________________________(edited). that is really fucking nice. ___i painted my nails this afternoon. & took a lot of pictures. i still do not think i've quite figured out my camera. & i really hate to admit that i am going to have to read the manual to understand how to do eeeeeeeeeeeeverything. ___my dad has been calling a lot lately. & i've been calling him more frequently. i can tell it makes him feel better. & i guess thats a new kind of comfort. i wake up every morning with at least three new bug bites and i cannot for the life of me understand where they come from. but i don't really have the time to investigate that sort of thing. ___so i'm going through another one of those lipstick phases, which are always welcome. & i had really missed red hair. ________________________________________i cannot wait to "become".
link3 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

(no subject) [May. 24th, 2005|03:16 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
i killed a bird today on Glen Laurel road
& feathers were all over my grill.
link4 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

i am deleting my "photo journal" because its stupid. [May. 24th, 2005|11:34 am]
stomach full of spiders.


+3Collapse )
link5 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

I don't feel like talking. [May. 24th, 2005|11:29 am]
stomach full of spiders.




[youwakeupcoldandthink
youwishitdbeenthisway]
link2 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

one week. one entire week. [May. 16th, 2005|04:44 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
[music |the blower's daughter.]


this is the longest I've ever gone without sleep.Collapse )

I can't do this anymore.
& i met someone very promising.
link11 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

horribly ridiculous.___________(day six) [May. 15th, 2005|05:52 am]
stomach full of spiders.

i have not slept yet & i love ms paint.
link9 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

goldsboro. [May. 13th, 2005|03:10 am]
stomach full of spiders.
[music |luckie street.]

So tonight was incredibly eventful. I visited four different cities. made a small amount of money. accomplished so much these past few days. insomnia is, occasionally, completely underrated. I've been reading the bible. &visiting old friends. which I suppose can be nice. I talk to too many boys & have too many friends, i think. Goldsboro & Brieana & Box. I don't know if I've ever felt better than I did tonight. Just say it & do it.___I'm not that type of person. I guess I'm pretty thankful for the opportunity to have great friends. I couldn't have asked for more. This town suddenly isn't all that bad. & everyday I feel a little bit more confident in the decisions I've made this past year.___I weeded a few people out of my life. "I'm still working on my courage." ha. beautiful. I'm suddenly enjoying college & everything its made of me. My parents are starting to show a lack of interest. & I am starting to give up on their interest all together. which I guess is something to be ashamed of. but who can really pretend to care about those sort of things? _____& there's so much more to this but this is me to a fucking TCollapse )good fucking night.
link1 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

i haven't slept in four days but my energy level is amazing. [May. 12th, 2005|08:52 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
believe it or not I had a pretty amazing day.
& I'm hoping for an eventful night.
link I thought about saying no to hope.

X's on tuesday. [May. 7th, 2005|03:21 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
I am very disappointed in myself & this so called "revolution".
so give me some space because I take my failures too lightly these days.


I'm ready to make so many moves.
& I need something different. something shallow. & lots of conversation.
link I thought about saying no to hope.

(no subject) [May. 5th, 2005|04:19 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
i electrocuted myself in the heart today, literally.
& i have never been so embarrassed in my entire life.
link2 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

i have insomnia again. [May. 4th, 2005|02:50 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
[music |JETS TO BRAZIL]

Today I have been completely obsessed with the weather & how Jets to Brazil fits perfectly.
& so I let a man tweeze my eyebrows. I suppose if I had feelings for him, I would have found it romantic to a certain extent.

Maybe it was just nice to be taken care of.
& note: being independent would also be a nice quality for me to pick up this summer.
link1 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

(no subject) [May. 3rd, 2005|12:35 am]
stomach full of spiders.
i've been so convinced that I write for myself & my benefit only
but really, I'm just cheap.

i'm afraid of this summer & everyone coming home.
i'm afraid to admit that i'm still here & have been all along.


shame shame shame. i was supposed to do better for myself. shame shame shame.
link2 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

i feel like this a lot. [May. 1st, 2005|06:16 pm]
stomach full of spiders.
I was in Asheboro all day today.
I have now visited the zoo well over ten times. & everytime gets a little less exciting. Today felt somewhat like a chore. but I love my cousin & two year olds are incredibly cute & worth every second.__I feel a lot closer to my sister on days like this. I miss her too much when she's gone, even if I never tell her so. I'm not the type my make myself out to be a pansy. I play hardball with almost everyone I meet.___My fear of driving is starting to windle away & my anxiety is starting to subside. & after all this time I have proven myself right. The tempo was a very unsafe vehicle. & for the first time in my life, I got to watch my mother and step father put a foot in their mouth. I didn't enjoy it as much as I would have originally liked. This made the experience even less enjoyable. & you know what, I really fucking like driving a mustang. & I don't like leather seats. & I don't regret too much about the experience.

Driving through Asheboro was nice. I hadn't been since I visited Randolph. I had forgotten about the trip & how much I really wanted to go there. (& how too pussy I was to even ask my parents to go. I was so sure they would tell me I wasn't good enough or that it was too far or too big of a waste. afterall, "photography isn't a real major" but neither is cosmetology so whats the point really?)__I really started to miss Allison Evans & Beth Briles. I thought about that day & driving around in the van. & how it was unbelievably cold. My nose ran & it was wet. The air had this texture that I can't quite describe at the moment. but I loved every second of it. __Me and Ally Evans don't talk as much as I'd like. She's one of the few people that I truly admire. I don't really tell her that enough. She was in my driver's education class in 9th grade. I remember it well. I remember thinking she looked interesting & wanting to know her better because she was one of the few that seemed worth while. & I was actually pretty accurate with those sort of things in high school. Anyways a picture of Ally & I still sits on my mirror from graduation. ____I can't even begin to think about graduation right now. Thats too personal.___________The only thing I regret is not having the balls to do whatever I wanted when I was 16.
link2 xxx| I thought about saying no to hope.

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